Funniest Thing Ever

Image Copyright Glenn Francis,

Hi, I'm Lauren Conrad, star of MTV's "The Hills", and fashion entrepreneur.

I was born into a rich, white family in the United States and given everything I could possibly ask for in my childhood. I never had to worry if my parents could afford the expensive gifts I wanted for Christmas, or save up money to buy my own car. While other, less fortunate kids, had to work in high school, I got cast in an MTV reality show called "Laguna Beach" and spent my time in a jacuzzi or worrying about my next social engagement.

After I graduated, MTV offered me "The Hills", with a paycheck per episode that puts 90% of Americans to shame even though they went through years of schooling, took out student loans, lived in cramped dorms, and studied hard. Now making more per episode than the average person makes in a year, I rented a luxurious apartment with my friend Heidi Montag, and got a job sitting behind a desk all day in a fancy office talking to my friend, Whitney.

I was also blessed with above-average looks, and the comfort of knowing my failures in life don't matter because I have rich parents and a trust fund to fall back on. But because of my race and wealth, I have doors opening for me than most would never dream of, despite the fact I haven't really done anything personally to deserve any of it, nor have I had to work very hard at anything in life.

I'll never know what it's like to live paycheck to paycheck, have to ride the bus because my car broke down and my college job doesn't pay me enough to fix it, or worry about how I'm gonna pay for food next week, less I want to eat Ramen again. Instead, I'll go on thousand dollar shopping sprees and eat in high-class restaurants with my other rich, white friends.

But still, I find it in me to whine and complain about what I *don't* have in life, or when my friends do something I don't agree with, or...well, you've seen my show. Even with everything I have, I can still never be happy. My life is so hard, you guys, and all the money, the looks, the fact I'll never have to worry about medical coverage should I need to see a doctor or anything else can stop me from feeling the way I do when my friend says something mean about me or my boyfriend doesn't treat me like a princess.

So I bide my time and create really unoriginal and uninspired clothes that take a little chunk of time out of my busy social life (I guess we all have to work, right), and then turn around and let business professionals handle the rest. I've heard my things are over-priced, but I wouldn't know that because I don't handle any of that, and I don't care. I'm too busy feuding with my friends. But if you can't afford it, that's too bad for you. Just keep watching "The Hills" and making mundane, untalented and extremely fortunate people like me richer than you can imagine.

Credit to clarkkevin90 at IMDb.