Comfortably Confused


I looked at the calendar today and realized in exactly two months, I will be walking across the stage, accepting my Bachelor's Degree (assuming I pass this damn paper class...)

And that kind of really freaks me out. It's weird how I spent years (about 4.5, to be exact) anticipating that moment and now that it's almost here, I'm not sure I'm ready. The plan that every soon-to-be college grad has was the same as mine: start applying for jobs in the winter, fly out to interviews during spring break, land a job the week after, and move away to my happily ever after the week after graduation.

Well... it's March. And I've applied for... a job. Or two?

The truth is nothing is going to plan and I've never been happier.

I started a freelance writing gig last year as a supplement to my income and to hopefully add to my portfolio and online presence. Turns out, I caught the freelancing bug and that writing gig turned into many, which allowed me to ditch retail and find an internship I love, which allowed me to spend more time on my personal brand, which has turned into a real business. And that is scary - frightening really - but also, so, so awesome.

Since I study video production, I know plenty of people who've freelanced through college and to be honest, I've always been a little judge-y.

How unprofessional. So scary. Totally unreliable. A waste of time. 

But whether I do this until I graduate, through the summer, or for the rest of my life - I totally get it now. And I totally love it. There's something about working for yourself that is just so incredibly motivating. Because guess what? If I don't write those blog posts, I might not be able to pay my rent that month. And if I slack on filming videos I might not eat. Traditional jobs I've had in the past have allowed me to slack a little, or take a sick day once in awhile, or do mind-numbing zombie-like work. Running a business is different. It's a very "what you put in is what you get out" sort of deal, and at this moment in time, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Really.

So I'm still scared of the future. I'm still hoping I find my dream job, but in case it doesn't exist, I'm happy knowing I have the power to create it.